Ungovernable

Interview with Tesstamona

I came across Tesstamona from her interview with Hrvoje Moric.

Tesstamona: Resisting the Algorithm Ghetto & Our Technetronic Future

I appreciate her story, her message, her art and music and I’m very happy she agreed to this interview.

Art is a most powerful weapon against the beast. We need more of it.

With thanks to Tesstamona.

Memento Mori Alchemy | Tesstamona | Substack

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1. Tess, your journey from addiction to sobriety has been a significant part of your story. Could you please tell us about the moment you decided to make that change in 2009?

Absolutely, although it was more of a series of events. Short version:

In 2009, I was strung out on heroin and had been trying to quit for years, to no avail. Luckily, I got arrested for burglary, and was physically removed from the streets. I remember being dopesick (in heroin withdrawal) in jail, and being in so much pain I couldn’t move.

That was one of the first times in my life I tried prayer.

To make a long story short, some time after I said a prayer asking for help, I heard the keys of the guard. I was being released, without any explanation (I did not have the option to bond/bail out, and it was a holiday week, this was the day before Thanksgiving). Some sort of survival instinct kicked in, they call it the “gift of desperation”.

Suddenly, any reason I had prior to that moment for not getting the help I needed was gone from my concern - it was like a short window of willingness opened and I jumped through it. When I was released from jail, I went straight into the local treatment center. Not because I was asked to, because I wasn’t. I didn’t have any drug charges.

I was suddenly filled with enough desperation to be willing to do anything to get free, and that marked the beginning of the journey. I’ve been clean and sober from all drugs and alcohol since 11/27/2009, which is still somewhat surreal!

2. Poetry was your first real coping skill in life. How did writing help you navigate challenging times in your youth, and how has your relationship with poetry evolved since then?

There were hard things I dealt with that I won’t detail in early childhood, and on top of that reality, I was also very isolated. I’d sort of create my own world where I could process what was going on in some sort of esoteric way. I had a radio, so I’d put on music, tune out the lyrics/vocals, and just go on some sort of voyage with the music and my own lyrics. It was a way of not just processing what was going on, but creating a new space for myself to occupy while the real one I lived in was hostile to say the least.

Later it evolved into the tool to explain things unexplainable. I’m easily inspired by the experiences we have here on Earth, and easily inspired by otherworldly things that only poetry and music can really capture.

Poetry itself took a backseat as I primarily began to focus on music/songwriting, which is poetry but not quite the same. It’s a lot more structured. It came back when I realized that I could once again communicate the “incommunicable” in our society — except this time it wasn’t just experiences of my own, but rather, things I was being censored for on every other platform. I started writing poetry again here on Substack, and I noticed people in the comments starting to respond in their own poetry/prose format. It was then I realized that we all speak this esoteric language, and I watched this call-and-response phenomenon take place.

Since then, I’ve performed poetry publicly again, on topics considered highly controversial or conspiratorial in society - but with poetry, people’s guards are down. Something happens. You’re able to reach them and say exactly what you mean, and somehow a connection is made, especially when in any other format, it would not be.

That’s when I saw poetry’s unique role: Poetry is the Lifeblood of Revolution. You cannot truly censor it and everyone understands it.

3. The story of discovering your singing voice through a conversation with Nate is powerful. What was it like to embrace that part of yourself after years of believing you "couldn’t sing”?

First off, thank you for bringing that up and taking the time to read about that story. God bless Nate for who he was and what he did here on Earth in his life. Honestly, it’s still somewhat of a trip. When he told me my words “read like a song” - I felt pure ice cold terror run through my veins, because something in me knew I had to start singing my lyrics. I don’t know why, but I’m glad I did it. How I did it was:

I made a deal. I told myself if I could make it to 90 days without relapsing and dying, I had to try. There was “junkie lore” back then that “nobody ever made it past the wall” — the wall was known as the 90 day mark. So, once I did, I started by enrolling in community college and I took a music technology class, and a group voice class.

I remember walking into the group voice (like a choir) class. I almost didn’t go in. My old instincts kicked in (fear) and the urge to “cut class” hit. I almost turned all the way around, I maybe turned 90 degrees and stopped. I heard my own voice say, “what are you doing? You’re sober now, that’s old behavior, don’t skip class!” So, I walked in.

We had to do solos in front of the class, so my way of “trying to see if I could sing” was volunteering to go first so I didn’t have time to get nervous about it. That’s how I found out that I could! The rest has been a balancing act of making sure I stay consistent, stay balanced, and never let self doubt freeze me up.

4. Music has been both a creative outlet and a lifeline for you. How has it served as a tool for connection with others who are struggling?

Once I was asked to go speak at a high school about addiction and recovery. I’m not sure how this came out, but at some point it came out that I made music. All the students asked if they could hear one of my songs. I played one for them. Afterwards, the kids sent me thank you notes. One of them said, “You shared your poetry with us, so I will share some of mine:” He then proceeded to share one of his poems with me. A whole poem from this kid! There were a lot of really heartfelt letters from the kids like that, and those are invaluable. Many of them had relatives or friends who struggled with addiction and they opened up about that in their letters. That’s the highest honor in my opinion - to truly help someone with something they feel like they can’t talk about, and when it comes from kids, it’s even more of an honor. If they can see a positive example or have hope at that age, they have a huge advantage, because the world will never cease to show them the negative.

Other than that, I’ve had more people than I can count contact me and tell me about things they are going through, and they found solace in the message. I’ve had friendships that are to this day very dear friends of mine that started because of that - you wind up finding your tribe by putting yourself out there.

5. You’ve made several significant life changes, including moving from LA during the lockdowns. How have these transitions influenced your artistic perspective and creative work?

A great deal. Yes, I moved from LA back to Oregon during the 2020-2021 lockdowns, then to Nashville in early 2022 to get away from the vaccine mandates (I refused to take it) and I wound up in Florida about a year ago.

I believe it is the duty of the artist to tell the truth of the times that we live in. So naturally, I have documented these experiences along with speaking the truth to the anti-human globalist agenda in my music. Paradoxically, it has also softened me - I’ve learned that direct aggression toward the problem is not effective, and I’ve learned that we’re already extremely well versed in what the problem is, so to focus on solutions as well.

It can be tough out here, but the past few years have revealed a deeper side to the creativity and the mission - to allow myself to show more of my healing softer side and focus more on the solution versus the problem has been revolutionary in itself. Prior to the past two years or so, I would have been too scared to show any sign of vulnerability.

6. Your work often touches on themes of transformation and renewal. How do you approach the process of starting over, both in life and in art?

Sometimes it’s as subtle as a sledgehammer and the furthest thing from graceful - I’ll jump into the abyss if it means getting free from a dumpster fire. Often it can be impulsive and very dramatic, those are reserved for the more “life or death / do or die” scenarios. Otherwise.. well, transformation always involves a death, so with the transformations/renewals/changes I’ve been through lately, I make sure to allow myself time and space for that. Meaning some time to disconnect, unplug, not be real visible, and sort of be under the surface for a while.

That might sound strange to some, but I’m used to operating in “all gas no breaks” mode 24/7, which doesn’t work in general, but when you try to do that through one of these death/rebirth situations, it prolongs the “rebirth” aspect of it is all I’ll say haha!

7. You’ve written about the importance of sovereignty and becoming "ungovernable." What does this concept mean to you, and how does it influence your creative mission?

Yes indeed! I mean this on the macro and micro levels, but in my experience and personal belief, if I cannot be free within my own mind, body and spirit, then I could never reach for true sovereignty in the external world. It would be a self-defeating game at best (I’ve tried!) I had a conversation with Greg Reese (also here on Substack) about this very topic, the title of the podcast was called “Through the Inner Tyrant with Tesstamona” I will link that here if someone wants to listen.

To be ungovernable on the level of ME, the individual, means to be free of the expectations of literally everyone around me, and of course society. To be free of the conveyor belt cult, to be unbound by the cult of silence, to be ALIVE. To feel alive. To be in good health, to be in unity spiritually, mentally, physically. To be free. Do you feel free? Someone asked me that tonight. I told her no, because at this moment I’m working through some stuff within myself and I do not feel free. It’s much more of an endeavor to attain and maintain freedom within oneself than it is externally.

On the macro/external world, well technically if one is free internally and one is connected to The Divine Source, nothing can really shake you externally. But, the way I see sovereignty is — renunciation of citizenship, not paying taxes, living in an off-grid sustainable homestead, or perhaps being in a mobile situation where I’m traveling all about, but not bound by any particular surveillance state grid. That’s just me personally! There are many ways that freedom can look on the outside. Really though it’s, are you happy and is this what you want? Are you able to live out your True Work, your true Purpose, the way things are?

I need to be sure I am free internally first, or I am a hypocrite in anything I say or do. With that handled, the way it impacts my work is… I intend on devoting the rest of my life to the evolution and liberation of the human spirit. Music and Poetry and organizing community events are completely aligned with that. I have an album coming out in 2025 called Ghost in the Machine - the whole album is about the micro and macro process of getting out of the machine / Freedom.

Here’s the convo I had with Greg Reese!

Through the Inner Tyrant with Tesstamona - by Greg Reese

8. In your piece "The New MK Ultra," you discuss modern forms of control and surveillance. How has this awareness shaped your artistic message?

I think that is best answered with a link to my most recent song and music video, Algorithm Ghetto. That entire message in that song is about all that and then some, and I did make sure to include the solution at the end just to balance it out.

9. You frequently explore themes of grief and collective trauma in your poetry. How do you approach writing about such intense emotional experiences while connecting with your audience?

I think that’s exactly why it connects with the audience, because it’s intense emotional experiences that all of us go through but are conditioned not to talk about, so once someone does talk about it, it resonates.

However, in full honesty, when I’m writing poetry, I’m not worried about whether it’s going to connect with an audience or not, I’m writing to survive the experience myself. I’m channeling directly from that place of grief within me, often as a preventative measure of doing something stupid or reckless, because I’m likely feeling that feeling very intensely at the moment of writing.

If it resonates and helps someone else, that’s excellent, but in the moment, I’m doing the only thing I know how to do. These things cannot be held in, it’s like swallowing a cyanide pill and being surprised when you start foaming at the mouth. They have to be given voice and get out of the body. It just happened to work out that it resonated with others, but that was never my intention.

10. Music appears to be both a healing force and a revolutionary tool in your work. How do you see these two aspects intersecting in your creative process?

There can be no revolution without healing - I think the crux of our dilemma is spiritual in nature, and if we had the appropriate level of consciousness to solve our current dilemmas, we would have done so already. So, I think they go hand in hand. We are called to evolve in order to not collectively fall off a cliff.

11. Your criticism of the medical industry and systemic challenges has become a recurring theme in your writing. What motivated you to delve into these topics, and how do they relate to your personal journey?

Ah yes, I certainly get fired up about that. Anger is what motivates me to delve into those topics. How they relate to my personal journey, well, many of the more severe situations I cannot elaborate on regarding personal story. Not at the moment at least. We can say overall that I’ve seen the dark side of the industry on several levels, and I’ve seen it get people killed. I’ve personally suffered a lot from it as well. Then we can also look at what happened with the jabs in 2021-2022 etc. — I have friends who are dead because of that jab. I know others (myself included) who lost housing, jobs, community, everything we knew because we wouldn’t get in line with big Pharma, and their propaganda campaigns were so effective that half the country publicly wished death on us, including our own family and community members. So that’s one example most of us can relate to… but the other experiences I’ve had, I’m not sure those are things I can discuss publicly at this time.

12. You’ve mentioned the importance of truth-telling in music. What does "truth music" mean to you, and why is it essential in today’s world?

It means being honest in your lyrics. It means accurately reflecting the times that you live in. The way I look at it is this: Let’s say we’re lucky enough to still have humanity exist in 50 years. Let’s say they want to listen to music to see what 2024 was like. What would they hear? Would it be anything at all like it actually is? Would it truly reflect what the people were struggling with? Would it truly reflect the spirit, character and resilience of those who lived? That answer needs to be yes. It’s essential because most music (literally all of it in the mainstream) does NOT reflect this at all. We live in times where people either have no idea what’s going on, or they are too afraid to speak up because “career success” means more to them than why they started said career in the first place.

13. Chronic health challenges have impacted your journey, yet you continue to create. How do you navigate those difficulties while staying true to your artistic vision?

I appreciate you asking this question actually. It has its extremely challenging times. There have been months where I haven’t created any music at all. Sometimes much longer. It hasn’t been a straight line by any means. What I have discovered personally throughout the years is that any health issue I am dealing with is usually exacerbated in the absence of creativity. Obviously I have to listen to my body and slow down at times, but creating music or writing lyrics is like drinking water, that is a form of necessary nourishment.

The areas that can become taxing while also battling health issues are other areas like performing, or having to release music, having to promote things, doing the whole content creation thing that suddenly all musicians now have to do, that is exhausting on its own, but when my health isn’t good, I’ll back off from it entirely. That is something I’ve appreciated a lot about Substack honestly. I can say and do whatever I want here, we don’t have to deal with algorithms, and I do not find it taxing. Any other form of media though, yes. But art itself? Art itself is nourishing. It’s all the other stuff that comes along with getting it from your creative space and into someone else’s ears or brain that brings about challenges when dealing with chronic pain or other issues because of how much energy it takes.

14. You’ve talked about life offering a "blank check" when we choose renewal. If you could envision a blank canvas for your future, what would it look like creatively and personally?

That’s an excellent question. It would look like both organizing and participating in an array of freedom festivals across the world. It looks like becoming love, sharing love, being completely undomesticated from the conditioning of the anti-human machine.

Regarding the festivals - I’ve been to these festivals before, they do exist already! We need more of them, they are literally life-changing. It looks like the mission, the “return to real life” and unity among the people, it is the return to all the things that put humanity within a human. I know a man who often says, “There can be no resistance without resilience” (that man is known as Bear Independent, I’d check him out!) And I think cultivating resilience via connection and healing is fundamental toward the revolution for those of us who do not want to be turned into robot cattle!

15. What current projects are you most excited about, and how can readers and listeners connect with you to stay updated on your latest work?

Oh man, it’s hard to pick! So, I am in the middle of creating my album Ghost in the Machine along with audio engineer and musician extraordinaire, Cris Cordero. That is a full-length album, Algorithm Ghetto was the first single to be released from it, and I’ll be releasing a remix to Algorithm Ghetto, along with at least two other singles before the album comes out in 2025. I’m also really looking forward to doing more live performances and connecting with people. If anybody would like to connect or check out my music, podcast or substack, links to everything can be found at https://linktr.ee/tesstamona and here on Substack, my publication is called Memento Mori Alchemy!

Memento Mori Alchemy | Tesstamona | Substack

Thank you so much for the interview! I really appreciate the thoughtfulness of your questions. Much respect.

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