Here is what gets me in most (trans) posts ( I read a lot on the PITT Substack which would not be a bad place to post this one). This sentence....
"In his entire life he had been so clearly a boy. He was physical. He was not social in the way of most girls. He was interested in toys that do things and in doing things. His fantasy play had always been to be a boy."
So for 17 years or so he never showed any signs of being anything other than a boy but yet all of a sudden life will be better if he was a girl. Hmm that in itself is telling and if you read stories from other parents a lot of them say the same things.
Runa, I feel the same way as you about doctors these days. Years ago my Mother was supposed to go on a medication and when I asked the cardiologist what the side effects were he said (YES HE SAID) "there are none". I was incredulous. And of course minutes later he said "if I told my patients all the side effects of their mediations they wouldn't take them". That was minutes before he told me to get out of his office. (the medication he wanted her to take I later found out is one where she should have been monitored in the hospital for at least a week (she lived alone at 89). He was ready to RX it and send her home.
I am an interpreter and the stories of being a third party in a medical office could turn your hair!!
Thank you both for this writing. Much appreciated!
I can relate to how a pivotal moment, like being lied to by the doctor, works liberating. I used to be hypochondriac, always suspecting tumors growing somewhere.
So when covid was introduced to the world, I was all in. I followed all the edicts. I masked and kept distance and stayed home diligently. Until the time came I was to be vaccinated and I REALLY didn't want to do that. That's when I started looking into things and discovered how much we had been lied to. Not only during covid about the severity and the number of deaths and the "safe and effective" jab, but also about so very many other things, like the dangers of sunshine. So I was devastated about it as I had to come to terms that the world wasn't like I thought it was. It was brutal and I wept a lot. And I kept thinking: what else have they lied about. At some point I came to the realisation that much of my fear had to do with what I was made scared of in the media and by the doctor (like hardly getting any sun for fear of skin cancer). Once that realisation came, I could literally feel the fear leave my body. As if Someone pulled the plug. I felt it flowing away from my arms and legs. And that was that. My hypochondria was gone!!! Hallelujah!
God bless you Runa. While my story is different, I have suffered a terrible loss and was faced with the decision to (metaphorically) live or die. It's taken some time to really choose living and on my worst days I feel I am walking a very thin line. Anyway, I really related to your struggle. Thanks for sharing.
I don’t make any reference to the text above. This kind of experience is foreign to me, so I cannot say anything, neither pro, nor against, nor anything. Commenting on things of which I know nothing would be simply stupid.
Somehow, this interesting interview made me think about the limits to our acceptance of Fate. I guess, we are all religious in some way, under different names, but we all refer to a being/wisdom higher, broader, wiser, more encompassing than we ever will be. It’s obvious - we cannot create Life, and we are Life, so we must be part of a larger Plan.
Traditional religions state it pretty much clearly: things happen for a reason, we are born into specific environments and conditions because this is our destiny. We are given this life “as is”, and our task is to use this free unconditional gift in the best way possible to enrich ourselves and our community (neighbors, wherever we go). So, it’s given for free in the best interest of a particular “me”. Religions refer to this order of things as “faith”, “surrender” or “trust”. Whatever I have got, it is all from the higher authority - which is good, loving, understanding, wise, all-seeing, and all-knowing. Basically, there is no place for doubt or statements of dissociation from what is manifested in my life, including me, my mind, my body, my family, my neighbors, and so on. There is no reason to challenge any of these, because we (I) don’t know any better how to manage such complex equations.
Since “I am what I have been created” - a statement of trust into this highest authority - how come one day I can say that I am not what I am?
Is it the broken trust into my own existence? A sign of a crisis deeper than personality or identity? A socially approved form of declaring departure from religion (meaning any system of beliefs that hold me together as a balanced, stable, reliable being)?
Also, how is it possible that I have lived for xx years “as is” and I come to this understanding (?) that I am not what I am only now? Is it not helped by socially accepted trends which suddenly - conveniently - erupted literally on one specific day?
We have never heard before of the disruption of the individual with his/her immediate surroundings on such a huge scale. Even teenage rebellions against status quo last a few days or months and go away when we become mature enough to understand the dynamics of our own growth and changing volatile priorities.
If I cannot trust that I am what I am - the reason to live disappears. The foundation is removed. Swapping pronouns does literally nothing for this foundation. Even passing laws that will require everyone to be called “Dummy Toything John Doe” in all official and private relationships does nothing. How come I am not what I am and yet I “believe”/”know” NOW that I am what I am now because it is not the I am which I was just a few weeks ago?
I feel very humbled and privileged to be able to read such an account of somone's personal journey with the trials of parenting intertwined with a serious health issue and through to eventual acceptance and ability to wholeheartedly "choose life". Thank you.
Question-10 was particularly pertinent in relation to forgiveness, and moving on. The words " I knew with full clarity that I must be 100% committed to living. No muddled grey area" have deep relevance I am sure to many others beside myself. Isn't it strange that somehow we are more afraid of life, than of death?
The incident with falling through the ice reminded me how an intervention of the gods saved my life at least once, and probably more times of which I remain unaware. Blessing to all involved who made this posting available to read.
Runa, had you considered vaccine spike protein shedding (from your oldest) as a potential source or exacerbating factor in the genesis of both the inflammatory arthritis and the pathologically shedding uterine tissue? Resolution of symptoms after months of not sharing household spaces with someone I presume to be vaccinated (based on your comments) may have signaled clearance of the exogenously obtained vaccine spike/mRNA. Not trying to be insensitive, only thorough.
To appreciate what goes on with the "trans test", it is necessary to be able to recognize and understand "self-obsession" and its consequences. I say this as a long-time transwoman who is "misgendered" from time to time, and who doesn't mind. But I can see it from the other person's point of view.
Divide and conquer, through promoting an oppressed vs. oppressor worldview, only thinking of oneself, self-mediated self-destruction.
Absolutely heartbreaking. The two biggest influences in children's lives today - education and social media. Although not typically as severe as Runa's, I regularly hear about similar in my clinic.
"the way that one thing leads to another, and especially if one thing uniquely sets up the next thing, making it probable or sometimes necessary" what I call the intervention cascade. I've seen it recently in a friend with prostate "cancer" and my sister-in-law with breast "cancer" where some test (in and of itself neither benign nor especially informative so far as I can tell) leads to biopsy (definitely not benign and not totally reliable) and surgery and radiotherapy and a patient left in far worse shape than they were at the start, both physically and mentally.
And I don't see any benefit whatsoever in discussing this with those individuals.
And I can't seem to get through to any of our mutual friends/family on the few occasions when such taboo subjects are permitted to be discussed.
A little over half way through this brutally honest interview and I'm wondering "who is this lady?" "how do you know her?" "where does she live?" such details as you usually provide in introduction to your interviews. Obviously there are reasons why this information is not disclosed but (if you're listening Runa) there is some context here which would help me (and perhaps others) to fully understand what is happening here. Thank you both.
I failed the trans-test too. I failed by giving a compliment "that's my boy" something I had said for 2 decades. I was proud of him about something I don't remember what. It's very hard to stay gender neutral when talking with someone 😕
I only skimmed the piece so it's possible I missed it, but who/where is the boy's father? That seems to be a crucial missing piece in the family dynamic.
This was a very long read but WELL WORTH it!!
Here is what gets me in most (trans) posts ( I read a lot on the PITT Substack which would not be a bad place to post this one). This sentence....
"In his entire life he had been so clearly a boy. He was physical. He was not social in the way of most girls. He was interested in toys that do things and in doing things. His fantasy play had always been to be a boy."
So for 17 years or so he never showed any signs of being anything other than a boy but yet all of a sudden life will be better if he was a girl. Hmm that in itself is telling and if you read stories from other parents a lot of them say the same things.
Runa, I feel the same way as you about doctors these days. Years ago my Mother was supposed to go on a medication and when I asked the cardiologist what the side effects were he said (YES HE SAID) "there are none". I was incredulous. And of course minutes later he said "if I told my patients all the side effects of their mediations they wouldn't take them". That was minutes before he told me to get out of his office. (the medication he wanted her to take I later found out is one where she should have been monitored in the hospital for at least a week (she lived alone at 89). He was ready to RX it and send her home.
I am an interpreter and the stories of being a third party in a medical office could turn your hair!!
Thank you both for this writing. Much appreciated!
I can relate to how a pivotal moment, like being lied to by the doctor, works liberating. I used to be hypochondriac, always suspecting tumors growing somewhere.
So when covid was introduced to the world, I was all in. I followed all the edicts. I masked and kept distance and stayed home diligently. Until the time came I was to be vaccinated and I REALLY didn't want to do that. That's when I started looking into things and discovered how much we had been lied to. Not only during covid about the severity and the number of deaths and the "safe and effective" jab, but also about so very many other things, like the dangers of sunshine. So I was devastated about it as I had to come to terms that the world wasn't like I thought it was. It was brutal and I wept a lot. And I kept thinking: what else have they lied about. At some point I came to the realisation that much of my fear had to do with what I was made scared of in the media and by the doctor (like hardly getting any sun for fear of skin cancer). Once that realisation came, I could literally feel the fear leave my body. As if Someone pulled the plug. I felt it flowing away from my arms and legs. And that was that. My hypochondria was gone!!! Hallelujah!
God bless you Runa. While my story is different, I have suffered a terrible loss and was faced with the decision to (metaphorically) live or die. It's taken some time to really choose living and on my worst days I feel I am walking a very thin line. Anyway, I really related to your struggle. Thanks for sharing.
I don’t make any reference to the text above. This kind of experience is foreign to me, so I cannot say anything, neither pro, nor against, nor anything. Commenting on things of which I know nothing would be simply stupid.
Somehow, this interesting interview made me think about the limits to our acceptance of Fate. I guess, we are all religious in some way, under different names, but we all refer to a being/wisdom higher, broader, wiser, more encompassing than we ever will be. It’s obvious - we cannot create Life, and we are Life, so we must be part of a larger Plan.
Traditional religions state it pretty much clearly: things happen for a reason, we are born into specific environments and conditions because this is our destiny. We are given this life “as is”, and our task is to use this free unconditional gift in the best way possible to enrich ourselves and our community (neighbors, wherever we go). So, it’s given for free in the best interest of a particular “me”. Religions refer to this order of things as “faith”, “surrender” or “trust”. Whatever I have got, it is all from the higher authority - which is good, loving, understanding, wise, all-seeing, and all-knowing. Basically, there is no place for doubt or statements of dissociation from what is manifested in my life, including me, my mind, my body, my family, my neighbors, and so on. There is no reason to challenge any of these, because we (I) don’t know any better how to manage such complex equations.
Since “I am what I have been created” - a statement of trust into this highest authority - how come one day I can say that I am not what I am?
Is it the broken trust into my own existence? A sign of a crisis deeper than personality or identity? A socially approved form of declaring departure from religion (meaning any system of beliefs that hold me together as a balanced, stable, reliable being)?
Also, how is it possible that I have lived for xx years “as is” and I come to this understanding (?) that I am not what I am only now? Is it not helped by socially accepted trends which suddenly - conveniently - erupted literally on one specific day?
We have never heard before of the disruption of the individual with his/her immediate surroundings on such a huge scale. Even teenage rebellions against status quo last a few days or months and go away when we become mature enough to understand the dynamics of our own growth and changing volatile priorities.
If I cannot trust that I am what I am - the reason to live disappears. The foundation is removed. Swapping pronouns does literally nothing for this foundation. Even passing laws that will require everyone to be called “Dummy Toything John Doe” in all official and private relationships does nothing. How come I am not what I am and yet I “believe”/”know” NOW that I am what I am now because it is not the I am which I was just a few weeks ago?
I feel very humbled and privileged to be able to read such an account of somone's personal journey with the trials of parenting intertwined with a serious health issue and through to eventual acceptance and ability to wholeheartedly "choose life". Thank you.
Question-10 was particularly pertinent in relation to forgiveness, and moving on. The words " I knew with full clarity that I must be 100% committed to living. No muddled grey area" have deep relevance I am sure to many others beside myself. Isn't it strange that somehow we are more afraid of life, than of death?
The incident with falling through the ice reminded me how an intervention of the gods saved my life at least once, and probably more times of which I remain unaware. Blessing to all involved who made this posting available to read.
Runa, had you considered vaccine spike protein shedding (from your oldest) as a potential source or exacerbating factor in the genesis of both the inflammatory arthritis and the pathologically shedding uterine tissue? Resolution of symptoms after months of not sharing household spaces with someone I presume to be vaccinated (based on your comments) may have signaled clearance of the exogenously obtained vaccine spike/mRNA. Not trying to be insensitive, only thorough.
To appreciate what goes on with the "trans test", it is necessary to be able to recognize and understand "self-obsession" and its consequences. I say this as a long-time transwoman who is "misgendered" from time to time, and who doesn't mind. But I can see it from the other person's point of view.
Divide and conquer, through promoting an oppressed vs. oppressor worldview, only thinking of oneself, self-mediated self-destruction.
Absolutely heartbreaking. The two biggest influences in children's lives today - education and social media. Although not typically as severe as Runa's, I regularly hear about similar in my clinic.
"the way that one thing leads to another, and especially if one thing uniquely sets up the next thing, making it probable or sometimes necessary" what I call the intervention cascade. I've seen it recently in a friend with prostate "cancer" and my sister-in-law with breast "cancer" where some test (in and of itself neither benign nor especially informative so far as I can tell) leads to biopsy (definitely not benign and not totally reliable) and surgery and radiotherapy and a patient left in far worse shape than they were at the start, both physically and mentally.
And I don't see any benefit whatsoever in discussing this with those individuals.
And I can't seem to get through to any of our mutual friends/family on the few occasions when such taboo subjects are permitted to be discussed.
Just loved the last several statements. So true. 💜💜💜
Answer to Q12 is jaw-dropping.
A little over half way through this brutally honest interview and I'm wondering "who is this lady?" "how do you know her?" "where does she live?" such details as you usually provide in introduction to your interviews. Obviously there are reasons why this information is not disclosed but (if you're listening Runa) there is some context here which would help me (and perhaps others) to fully understand what is happening here. Thank you both.
I failed the trans-test too. I failed by giving a compliment "that's my boy" something I had said for 2 decades. I was proud of him about something I don't remember what. It's very hard to stay gender neutral when talking with someone 😕
I only skimmed the piece so it's possible I missed it, but who/where is the boy's father? That seems to be a crucial missing piece in the family dynamic.
🥹🥹🥹