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DanB1973's avatar

Horrifying as they are, these stories only reveal a much more dangerous background program lurking in our minds. In the minds of some of us: those who cannot ask proper questions.

It is about preferences, to put it mildly. We prefer others over ourselves. We prefer outsiders over our own.

You can test yourself for it easily if you have kids. When your kid does something that adults don’t like, they will come to you with a complaint. Or a demand for penalty for your kid, or with a threat to escalate the incident.

Watch your first reaction: 1) Do you automatically agree with the complaint? Sure, you will take care of the kid. And you are sorry for what they did. 2) Do you need more information? Asking the complaining person to describe what happened? Or 3) Do you say: “Stop, please, suspend your complaint. I will need to check at the source and ask my kid what happened, and if he/she did what you are saying, I will ask him/her why. When I have information from both sides, I will decide what to do next.”

Quite often, parents tend to victimize their children without even knowing what happened. A stranger comes in and demands revenge, and parents do it without second thoughts. So ugly.

And it is so common because one thing is missing in the domino cycle, one simple question: “Why?” We don’t ask this question. And we pay a huge price, always.

A friend of mine lived in a rented flat for a couple of years. When the owner told her that he wanted her to pay more, she asked him “Why?” He didn’t know what to answer. A true story.

This “why” should come first, before all other beliefs, oaths, agreements, contracts, decisions, orders from your superiors, requests from your family members.

Ask “why” whenever you can. The worst that can happen is that you will gain nothing.

Most tragedies would not have happened if this question had been asked.

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Timothy Winey's avatar

This makes for some hard reading, but it needs to be said. If you don't believe this is the plan, watch the film about medical kidnapping called 'I Care a Lot.' https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Care_a_Lot

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