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Chelseabern's avatar

Germ Theory is a 100% LIE. The minute you start digging at the surface of the LIE the hole becomes deeper and wider immediately. ANYONE who climbs out of this hole has either had their palm severely greased, or dare not admit they've been conned for their entire lives by corruption and evil!!

Factscinator's avatar

And now follows a public hellth announcement by Ali G, on behalf of da Australian government…

Hear me now. Hear me now. 🎤

Booyakasha! 🇬🇧😎🇦🇺🦘💉💦💀

Me is Ali G, speakin’ on behalf of da Department of Do-What-You’s-Told, innit. Dis message is very science, very official, an’ extremely effective — like, trust me, I got a clipboard. 📋✨

Dey be sayin’ da vaccine is safe an’ effective.

Safe, like… mostly strife, innit.

Effective, like… depends what you mean by defective. 🤷‍♂️💉

Now, some haters be talkin’ side effects — tings like:

💥 headaches

💥 heart tings goin’ boom-boom funny

💥 paralysis

💥 sudden naps (permanent... Aye)

But dat don’t mean nuffin’, yeah?

Cos if it was important, dey woulda mentioned it before you signed da consent form wot you didn’t read. 📄😤

People be askin’, “Ali G, where da proof?”

An I say: proof is a feelin’, bruv. 🧠✨ (Ali’s ring-laden hand touches his heart, as he gazes into da camera like he just said sumfin’ deeply profound) 🖐️💍🥹

Proof is when a man in a white coat says “studies show” an’ you don’t ask questions — outta respect.

Dey say it protect you from fings you can’t see, can’t isolate, an’ can’t explain properly — but dat’s da magic of science, innit? 🪄

If you don’t understand it, dat just means it’s working.

An remember — if it don’t work, dat’s cos you didn’t take enough of it.

So take another one.

An another one.

An a booster for da booster’s booster. 🔁🔁🔁

Now, me Julie keep naggin’ me for a kid, yeah, so Aiz been takin’ ’er to da clinic for regular boosters, aye. 💉💉

Dey say consistency is key, innit — like DJin’ or parole check-ins.

Becks named ’is first son Brooklyn, but if a miracle does happen an’ me Julie gets preggaz after all dem shots, me first child would ’av to be named “Da Bogs at Staines KFC.” 🍼🍗🚽

Cos dat’s where modern miracles is born, bruv.✨

So do da right fing.

Roll up your sleeve.

Roll up your other sleeve.

An if you feel dizzy, confused, or suddenly disappear from da statistics — don’t worry.

Dat means it’s definitely safe an’ effective. ✔️✔️

Respec’.

Booyakasha. 🇬🇧💉😎 🇦🇺🦘💉💦💀

(Cheerful Ali G theme fades in, drowning out any remaining questions)

Ali… Ali… Ali Ali… 🎶

(End of public hellth announcement)

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