Interview with Twilah Hiari

On Adult Autism, Vaccines, Lead, PMDD, Hysterectomy, Isolation and much more.

I got this email from Dr. Russell Schierling.

“I recently had the opportunity to meet the author of this book: Regression: Twilah Hiari. I feel that she would be an amazing interview for your readers. She is brilliant, with a heck of a story to tell.”

He was absolutely right. Thanks, Russ!

I’m very grateful that Twilah agreed to this interview. Her story is important and what she has learned and is sharing from her journey is incredibly informative and valuable.

I could make the case that, but for The Poisoning, this substack wouldn’t exist.

This exchange and its lessons come from a place deep, deep within The Poisoning.

With thanks and appreciation, to Twilah Hiari.

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1. Twilah, can you please share a bit about your background and the journey that led you to become a writer and advocate?

Sure. In 2014 I experienced a series of medically induced injuries that culminated in me losing my abilities to read, write, speak and count. I became profoundly confused and was unable to even drive in my own neighborhood without getting lost. As I slowly began to regain these skills, I reflected and realized my experience mirrored parents' descriptions of their children having a sudden shift from typical development into rapid autistic regression. Thousands or maybe even more of these parents report a medical event such as vaccination, or multiple medical events as precipitating their child's regression, yet these parents are regularly gaslighted and abused for telling the truths of what happened to their child. I felt like the story of a medically induced regression experience from the perspective of an adult might help support the underlying veracity of the narrative that some medical modalities can cause extraordinary brain inflammation in susceptible people, often leading to brain damage or long-term encephalopathy.

2. In your book "Regression," you describe the harrowing experiences of physical and mental health challenges that were initially misunderstood by medical professionals. What gave you the strength to persevere and share your story?

I didn't understand until after those experiences that the strength to persevere came from a deep need to have truths be told. While many deeply debilitating experiences of pain and injury were experienced by me, these experiences are far bigger than any individual. And the context of the layers and layers of lies, manipulation and deceit that made my experiences possible is far bigger than any individual. I realized that sharing my journey could benefit others, as it reveals a broad context of harm-inducing mechanisms that affect all people, though perhaps not as dramatically as I was affected. We humans are all conditioned to apply limited lenses when we examine our own lives, so we often miss important things. But often we are open to examining the events in someone else's life more critically. This is a spiritual shortcoming, but any shortcoming is an opportunity for growth. By presenting my story, people are invited to look critically at all the interconnected mechanisms that resulted in great harm. Mechanisms that they have probably experienced to some extent in their own lives. Awareness of these mechanisms can promote a decision to do better, to not promote these harmful things with our own choices and behaviors.

3. How has your experience as an autistic woman shaped your perspective on the challenges faced by individuals with autism and other neuroimmunological conditions?

My experience has taught me that communication disorders and neuroimmunological conditions are very poorly understood, by both so-called professionals and lay people. People in general, unless they have very strong spiritual practices, tend to either not bother much with truly trying to understand other people who may seem on the face of it to communicate differently from them or will give a small bit of effort and then quickly give up when the other person doesn't seem to be able to "reach their level". It's very, very difficult to healthfully engage with other humans when you have impairments that many other people do not choose to try to understand. Example: At times of overload or high inflammation, I can still lose my ability to communicate with speech as I'd desire. So, if someone asks me a question, the best I may be able to reply is, "yep, yep, yep!" Repetitive and simplified words are the best my inflamed brain may be able to do at that time, though if given the opportunity to type, I'd be able to communicate more effectively. Anyway, most people respond to that by either mocking me back with their own "yep, yep, yep!" like I'm a toy parrot, or by deciding that a person who communicates like that is simply not worth engaging with at all and literally turning their back and walking away from me. I think it's a grave error to assume anything about a person's internal intellectual or mental processes or functioning based on a person's ability to communicate with spoken language. The assumption that competence with spoken language is an indicator of broader competence in other areas is leaving a lot of autistic people out in a lot of circumstances, and of course that means a great overall loss of skill, talent and contribution to broader society. I know lots of parents of non-speaking autistic children have reached out to me in the past and exclaimed how I must be really "high-functioning" unlike their "low-functioning" child just because I can write fluently. Well, if they met me on a day of high brain inflammation when I can only say "yep, yep, yep!" or nothing at all or can't prepare my own meals, they might not draw that conclusion. I haven't seen it, because I don't watch movies, but I read that there's a movie called "Spellers" that shows how non-speaking autistics often have incredibly intellectual skills that are revealed when they are given communication devices that allow them to get beyond the motor and other impairments that limit or eliminate their ability to speak.

So, you can't know whether a person has an intellectual disability just by hearing them speak, or not hearing them speak if they are non-speaking. And even if a person does have significant intellectual limitations, people with intellectual disabilities are still just as human as any other human and should be treated as such.

4. In "Regression," you mention that the doctrine of purely genetic neurodiversity is no longer tenable in the face of new scientific findings. Can you explain what you mean by this and how it relates to your own experiences?

I mean that the whole, "autism is genetic" line is utterly absurd. You don't have a condition that used to affect 1 in thousands of people suddenly affect 1 in 36 people due to a genetic change in the human species. If that were the case, the cause of the genetic change would be so gross, so incredibly obvious, you wouldn't need researchers digging for it for decades and coming up with next to nothing. And underdiagnosis as an answer? Seriously? Any honest person over age 40 will tell you that they did not see 1 in 36 or so human beings they encountered while growing up walking around with the behaviors we see in young autistic people today. And no, that's not because all the autistics were in institutions. If the entire population of all mental institutions had been autistic, which it clearly wasn't, that wouldn't match the number of autistic people we see today. We all can see however, very, very clear changes in our environment in terms of chemical and toxin exposures, and in medical procedures over the last 40-50 plus years. As it relates to my own experiences? I'm 48-years-old and would clearly have been diagnosed with Aspergers early on if that had existed as a diagnosis and if anyone had cared. But Asperger's didn't exist as a diagnosis until I was 17 or 18 years old, and no one cared. And no one, I mean no one was like me in school and I attended four different high schools. Then at age 38 due to a series of medically induced injuries, I regressed to "lower functioning" autism. What the medical industrial complex is calling autism is clearly a malleable condition affected by environment and toxic load.

5. In your essay "Mandatory Vaccination and the Ethics of Human Sacrifice," you express strong concerns about the potential for vaccine mandates to cause harm to vulnerable individuals. Can you elaborate on your position and the ethical implications you see in this issue?

This is quite simple. Vaccination kills certain people with certain immunological characteristics. There is no such thing as a "safe" vaccine in the sense of a vaccine that will not inevitably kill some people if they receive it. Every vaccine that exists has killed someone. If you promote mandatory vaccination, you are saying that you believe it is moral to kill some people for the sake of your orthodoxy. It's insane. I mean, in some countries we still have moral arguments over the death penalty, where the person to be executed has been found guilty of an incredibly heinous crime in a court of law. But in the case of vaccination, we can just prima facie believe it is okay to kill random people who are presumably guilty of nothing except having a physiological make-up that means they are susceptible to being killed by a vaccine? How on earth do you arrive at that conclusion and consider yourself a decent human being?

6. As someone who has experienced severe vaccine injury, what do you think are the most important considerations for policymakers and medical professionals when it comes to addressing the dangers of vaccination?

To clarify, I now realize the biggest agents in the severe injury I experienced were antibiotics, infection, traumatic brain injury, leuprolide, and the heavy toxic load I was already carrying because of being poisoned in my mother's womb by lead. Vaccines played a supporting role in my injury but weren't the stars of the show. Bottom line, whatever our physical configurations or how we got them, some of us are configured so that one or more vaccines will severely injure of kill us. Let's call this group of people susceptible to death or injury from vaccines group one. There are no moral grounds for forcing severe injury or death on the innocent members of group one in any civilized society. Some want to counter that the loss of some of us in group one will save the lives of other people, who are susceptible to the disease in question because of other, different physiological configurations, let's call these people group two. Now explain the basis for your decision that the lives of the people in group two are more valuable than the lives of group one. Then realize that group one and group two will contain some of the same people. Then prove that your vaccine prevents the disease in question in the first place. Work through all that and tell me how mandatory vaccination is anything less than human sacrifice for the sake of an orthodoxy that is blood thirsty at worst, deeply confused at best.

7. You have mentioned that hormonal interventions like GnRH agonists and surgery can have devastating short- and long-term effects. What led you to reevaluate your perspective on these treatments, and what alternative approaches do you now advocate for?

Every single tissue in the body depends on hormones to function. I didn't understand that simple fact when I initially promoted hysterectomy and oophorectomy as a cure for PMDD, which is a life-threatening condition. But I now know that if you end or disrupt hormonal functioning in the body via GnRH agonists or surgery, you will quite possibly cause far more harm that the disease process you were treating caused. Additionally, research is showing that Lupron, the most used GnRH agonist, can cause potentially irreversible mitochondrial damage:

(PDF) Lupron, Estradiol and the Mitochondria: A Pathway to Adverse Reactions (researchgate.net)

And mitochondria are major players in neurological disorders:

Mitochondrial dysfunction in neurological disorders: Exploring mitochondrial transplantation | npj Regenerative Medicine (nature.com)

I didn't know any of this when I initially advocated for these treatments. All I knew was Lupron and hysterectomy/oophorectomy cured my PMDD. But the cost of losing my primary source of hormones put me in just as bad a situation as the PMDD, just a different bad situation. I'll put it this way, having the ovaries removed is like female castration, and no, selective hormone replacement can't fix that. As far as alternative approaches, as far as PMDD goes, I think it would be better to address the root cause, which I suspect is heavy metal poisoning. Heavy metals are significant endocrine disruptors. I suggest trying low-inflammation diet and testing for toxins, including but not limited to heavy metals. Then, based on what you find, try to detox (preferably with guidance from someone experienced in detox) while maintaining a healthy nutritional habit before resorting to GnRH agonists or surgery. I'd never heard paleo, keto, AIP, GAPS, Wahls Protocol or any other of the multiple healing ways of eating or about endocrine disrupting heavy metals a decade ago when I agreed to Lupron and surgery for PMDD.

8. In your writing, you often touch on the intersections between physical health, mental health, and social experiences. How has your journey led you to a more holistic understanding of well-being, and what advice would you give to others who may be struggling to find a comprehensive approach to their own health?

Everything is the universe if interconnected, and our minds and bodies are just microcosms of universal processes. You can't pick little bits here and there in the body, mind or social environment to fix in the case of injury and disease and expect wellness as the outcome. You must heal the whole system.

Start with what is most accessible to you. That would usually be eating style, which I talk about elsewhere, but also trauma history. Underlying traumas, which can be vast and varied, physical, emotional, anything. They may not seem huge and momentous, but the little hurts can add up to big injuries. Or they may be huge and momentous. Whatever the case, these all must be healed. A thing about trauma that I haven't heard anyone talk about, is that trauma often makes the ego bigger. Yeah, you'll hear some folks talk about so-called "narcissism" and how that can be caused by trauma, but it doesn't have to be that drastic, it can be far more subtle but just as damaging. To clarify, by ego, I mean the illusory sense of "self, self-ness, or self-hood" as an entity with an identity that is separate and distinct from other humans and other sentient beings in the universe by virtue of its present experience and configuration as embodied consciousness. None of us are separate and distinct, we're all interconnected. Our experiences are transient, not static. Our experiences are not truly who we are. Trauma alienates us from this interconnectedness and promotes a sense of distinct "self-ness" which is fundamentally false. All humans except fully enlightened ones have a false sense of "self-ness" that distorts their interpretations of transient life experiences and conflates experiences with identity. But the exacerbation of that delusory self-ness caused by trauma is particularly debilitating.

Offer yourself compassion first--tell yourself as though you're talking to another person, 'yes, you have been hurt and I'm here to help you heal.' Beware of therapists because they are usually trained to reinforce the "self-ness" delusion. Look into modalities like EFT and TFT, otherwise known as tapping. Look into NLP, neuro-linguistic programming. Look to your religion if you have one.

As you heal your trauma, the self-ness will start to dissolve and you'll feel more love for yourself. You'll feel more love for others. As you feel more love for others, you'll feel more love from others, you'll feel more love from the universe or God or however you see it and that will help you heal everything. If you're religious, pray with great sincerity and humility in the way your tradition teaches you to pray for help. And have a clear intention for why you want healing. Consider what kind of life you'd live if your impairments were lifted. Help will come. If you don't practice in a specific religious tradition, send thoughts with great sincerity and humility to the vast consciousness of the universe for help. It will come. If you ask for help with sincerity and humility, you'll get little hints or even big events that direct you to what you need. The other specific modalities that are right for you will cross your path. You'll get nudged in the right direction. That direction may end up in complete healing, however, it also may not. There are more factors at play in outcomes in our lives than our own desires. However, you'll probably get healing at the very least on a mental level that helps you understand how to endure with your particular injury or limitation or to help you understand why it is appropriate for you to remain impaired at this time. That's what a process of holistic healing means to me.

9. You have written on the social consequences of auditory processing disorder (APD) and how it can be mischaracterized by medical professionals. How has working with an audiologist helped you better understand and manage your APD?

Auditory processing disorder can be mischaracterized by medical professionals as an attention disorder. That's a problem. Example: I can be focusing very intently on someone's speech, but if my brain can't translate that sound into meaning it doesn't matter how well I'm focusing, I won't be able to get meaning from that sound. To blame me for being inattentive really doesn't address the issue and may also brand me as rude or dismissive. Also, I've read more recent research about APD being linked to dementia, as in cognitive impairment later in life, so it's worth being aware of how the burden of having to dedicate more of the brain's energy than is typical to the task of gathering meaning from sound can affect the functioning of the brain in the long run.

Hearing and dementia: from ears to brain - PMC (nih.gov)

10. You've been very open about your experience with premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) and the role that a hysterectomy played in your recovery. What advice would you today give to other women who may be struggling with PMDD or similar conditions?

Get to the true root of the problem. Start by eating food that is less inflammatory to the extent this is possible for you. Document your responses to what you eat and tweak what works for you from there. But as I mentioned above, I suspect a link between heavy metal poisoning and PMDD because heavy metals sit on the hormone receptors of cells, so your body can't "hear" the messages from your hormones correctly. If cells don't get the message, they don't behave correctly. Get a good, reliable test for heavy metal poisoning and then start the detox process. If you're able to work with a true expert in detox that is best, because that process can be very harmful if not done skillfully.

11. You have criticized the neurodiversity movement and the groupthink you've encountered in autistic online spaces. What do you see as the main failings of the neurodiversity movement, and what kind of advocacy do you think is needed instead?

The central failing I see in the neurodiversity movement is the insistence that autism is a natural variation among human beings, like skin color or language and that furthermore, as a natural variation, it is simply to be prima facie accepted and embraced. Both of those clauses are simply false, and when you base anything on a falsehood it is harmful.

Making that claim is like building a foundation on top of sand and telling people the house you built on top of that foundation is safe to live in. It's harmful, dangerous, and irresponsible. It lets the perpetrators of chemical and other toxic injuries off the hook for their actions, and it tells autistic people that no matter how impaired they are, they are simply meant to be that way, always and forever, which is absurd. Autism is a physiological condition. Physiological means based in the living organism that is in this case the human body. Nothing about the human body is fixed and unchangeable. If the human body was fixed and unchangeable then human bodies wouldn't die, would they? Our bodies would stay fixed and unchangeable forever.

Also, even if something has been associated with humans since time immemorial, that doesn't mean we promote it. We know pedophilia has been practiced since at least ancient Greece. That doesn't mean we accept or promote it. Don't kill me here. I'm not saying autistic people cause harm like pedophiles do or that autistic people are more likely to harm children or anything like that and if someone chooses to take that out of context and claim I said that they're choosing to be a liar and defamer. I'm making the point that just because certain behavioral characteristics and ways of interacting with others has always been with us, doesn't mean we should promote them. There are many harmful things that have always accompanied human beings to the best of our knowledge. But we can throw that out anyway because as established above, autism, at the rates we're seeing it today, has not always been with us.

What would be far better is for the neurodiversity movement to focus on helping people to understand how people with autism experience life and how to build bridges that permit inclusion in broader society. And a lot of advocates are doing just that, and doing it very well, and that's a beautiful thing.

Some people with autism don't want to change and we need to respect that. I consider that an error, but neither I nor anyone else on this earth is here to control or "fix" the behaviors of other humans or force them to make the same choices we make. Autistic people who are attached to their behaviors and/or diagnosis are where they are. I consider that extremely egotistical and limiting, but that's their choice and what we should do is accept that decision and go from there.

It's also important to recognize that this grasping to limiting traits or qualities as part of one's identity isn't a shortcoming or error exclusive to autism. Consider the vast array of self-limiting behaviors that many non-autistic people choose day in and day out. In most cases those people aren't forced to change the way they behave or be excluded from society, nor should they be unless they hurt others.

The best way to go from here with autistic advocacy is promote understanding of how autism affects life in all facets and find ways to mesh that experience skillfully with broader life on this planet, so that everyone's needs are respected. And when autism advocates promote false narratives, like historical "neurodiversity", we should have compassion even if they're blatantly wrong. We should promote the truth compassionately. Most of them are too young and deeply conditioned to know any better.

12. You mention that the neurodiversity movement often erases or minimizes the experiences of severely disabled autistics. How can we create a more honest and balanced conversation about autism that acknowledges the full spectrum of experiences?

That's tricky, because some of the most severely disabled people with autism aren't able to communicate on their own behalf, though possibly they could if offered communication devices or sign language. But possibly some could still not communicate on their own behalf even with those modalities. I think when the parents or caregivers of people who are so severely affected by autism that they can't communicate on their own behalf tell us about their experiences as parents, we should listen. And we listen with compassion. We shouldn't expect perfection from parents, as many are navigating a very hard road with little support or compassion from others, as well as little to no precedent for how to best support or precedent for how to raise or heal their children. We need to listen to them with open hearts and minds and truly try to understand what they perceive and experience regarding their children, adult children, or people in their care.

13. As an impassioned medical freedom advocate, what do you see as the most pressing issues in the fight for patient autonomy and informed consent?

The number one most pressing issue is censorship.

Without access to truthful information, we can't make informed decisions. We have captive, biased agencies, like the FDA and CDC here in the US, or the WHO internationally. We have these agencies with great power and self-created authority. They have incredible conflicts of interest or perhaps even interests that are blatantly averse to health. They're the biggest players in the media health narrative, that's a big problem. Murthy vs. Missouri, we'll see how that turns out.

The number two most pressing is the corruption of medical research. One of my favorite books, Inventing the AIDS Virus by molecular biologist Peter Duesberg. The book does a great job of delineating the history of the corruption of medical research in the context of demonstrating that there is not and never has been any evidence that HIV causes AIDS.

14. Throughout your writing, you emphasize the importance of holistic, non-coercive recovery methods for neuroimmunological conditions. Can you share some of the approaches that you've found most effective in your own healing journey?

Some of the things that have helped me...

I started by changing what I eat. I kept a journal for 3 or 4 years that documented everything that went into my mouth. I figured out some of my major and minor triggers and altered what I eat in response to that. Tolerances change over time with other changes in the body, so a person really must keep on top of what they consume and how it affects them. I don't advocate one specific style of eating of the many that are out there. I've cycled through Paleo, keto, AIP, Wahl's Protocol, and others. Like anything, there's no one size fits all. Use those well-known eating styles as guides and tweak it from there to your own needs. I actually completed an herbal apprenticeship and learned a lot about the healing properties of plants. I use a lot of plants for immune system support based on what I learned. As I get sick less often, I get post-infectious brain flares less often, which is good. I'm also rebuilding my gut with probiotic foods. You have to be careful with this because when you're super injured and sick you may be harmed by these. Due to my histamine intolerance, I couldn’t eat fermented foods for at least 7 years after my injury because the histamines in fermented foods would flare my body and brain even more. But now I can eat fermented foods and those are really helping my gut, which helps my brain. I avoid foods that are still inflammatory triggers like gluten, many lectins (gluten is a type of lectin), but some lectins, like green beans are ok if fermented, and I avoid dairy from cows. I recently got some raw sheep milk and that was amazingly helpful for my gut and overall immune function, and it doesn't have the same casein as cow dairy, so I tolerated it fine.

The single most healing thing I've done is choose to be a hermit for the last 3 years. I chose to dedicate all my time and energy to solitary religious practice while supporting my body through healthy food and exercise. I have never made a better choice in my life. I cut off communication with everyone except my ex-husband as an emergency contact and have been in as strict of solitude as possible, taking a short break every few weeks. I've spent three years in rigorous examination of my own consciousness and its expression; parsing out my errors, wrongdoings, delusions and delusion-driven behaviors, ways I've done wrong or caused harm to myself and others and embracing my deep desire to be a much better consciousness. Then I've applied spiritual techniques as taught by a qualified teacher in the tradition I practice in to correct the problems within my consciousness and promote growth and healing. This has been phenomenal. I don't recommend it for most others however. Most people need more human contact to be healthy.

15. What are you currently focused on in your work as a writer and advocate, and how can interested readers stay connected with your ongoing projects and insights?

Since you said I can add anything I feel is important to this interview, I'm going to go beyond the scope of your question here because I feel it's important to do so. Since I've chosen a life of religious solitude, to be a religious hermit, I've stopped writing. For the past few years my advocacy has been in the background in the form of prayer and other spiritual practices. If it feels right, I may do more interviews such as this one. If it doesn't feel right I won't.

Fundamentally, any advocate should bear in mind that the only change we can truly create is within ourselves. I'm not saying sit in a refuge place and be quiet, like I've done for the last 3 years. It's good to be loud and spread truth when that's your job. What I'm saying is we need to keep in the forefront of our mind, even when doing good and promoting truth, that while it is good to promote truth in the face of lies, ultimately we can and should only fix ourselves and find the truth of ourselves.

Our lives here are a gift from the universe to perfect ourselves in the context of the experiences we are given. We can accept this gift with gratitude and bring it to fruition, or we can identify with our experiences as truths in themselves and perish in pure delusion. From here on out I'm doing what we're all here on earth to do. My advocacy will be perfecting myself and encouraging others to do the same for themselves. It has been said many times by many wise people, in various ways, that to create change in the world we need to change ourselves. But few grasp what that really looks like. It doesn't mean changing beliefs or ideologies and thinking we're good because we're on the "good side" now, it means transforming our way of being in this world down to the tiniest roots of our every thought and action.

To grow our consciousnesses we should regard our lived experiences, no matter how easy or difficult, as transient learning opportunities. If we cling to our experiences as definitions of our "self-ness/selfhood" then we'll leave this world just as ignorant as the day when entered it. By that I mean if you go through life saying, I am this or that---I identify as a person of this race, I am a person with this disability, I am a victim of this, I am a perpetrator of that, I am a person of X gender, I am a person of Z sexual orientation, I am a survivor of medical abuse, etc. If you say these things as anything more than descriptive linguistic conventions, if you say them because you truly believe your essence is tied to those things...all that duality, all that   defining your essence as the experience of your body, which will one day die...all that self vs. other. It's all ego, ego, ego. Delusion, delusion, delusion.

Yes, I was harmed by doctors and allopathic medicine, but it would be a grave error to see myself as separate or different from the physicians and others in the medical industrial complex who harmed me. And I did that for a while. I was like, "Doctors! Doctors are so terrible!" But all those doctors, who were they? They were fellow human beings who had chosen an educational path different from my own; who had backgrounds different from my own. They were fellow humans acting on their own conditioning and their own unquestioned orthodoxy. I was acting on my conditioning as well. Back then I thought anger was acceptable, when any anger is truly a very destructive, deluded thing. I was attached to this delusion of righteous anger, and it was destroying me. I judged others, condemned them at times. The person most injured in cultivating anger and judgment and thinking it was okay was me.

Now if I think of the cruelest doctors who were very blatantly wicked to me when I was most impaired and vulnerable, I literally cry with compassion for them. They're the same quality soul as any of us, but so deeply blinded by their orthodoxy that they can harm other human beings or deny the harm they witness being done to other human beings with the indifference of war criminals. I cry that their beautiful souls have been so distorted by their conditioning that they commit acts that push them so far away from their true innate spiritual potential.

My advocacy going forward is to fix my own consciousness, fix my own delusions and errors. Once I've done that, my advocacy can truly be of benefit to others.

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